Hannah Montana = Life <3
11-26-2006, 03:07 AM
Okay...um...gosh. I'm so nervous about writing this. Okay well first of all my life is crazy. My parents are divorced and my dad and I don't get along very well. Sometimes I feel like he favors my little sis because I get in trouble for stuff and she gets away with murder. And then my mom...well...wow. First off, she's an alcoholic. Now she doesn't drink every night, maybe just once every two weeks. But when she does drink, its bad. She gets herself drunk like in the middle of the day and we can't do anything because she's acting so crazy and its really annoying and its bad for her. I'm scared for her, I don't want her to get hurt. We used to see a family counselor after the divorce, and my mom said she would go to AA, but she never made the calls. Plus my mom is in a well...not your average boy/girl relationship if you get what I'm hinting at. So my life is crazy and I'm only 12 and I have to handle it all!! And I mean this school year started out really rough. I'm a perfectionist and I make really good grades and this year I'm in the IB program at my school and the work is really challenging. So with my crazy life and school, I was really stressed. So I started eating less and less...and soon I was counting calories, fasting, and always thinking about weight and fat and thin and fasting...the subject never left my mind. And it felt good to fast. It felt good to starve myself. It was a way to release the pain...and it worked better than cutting. (which I had been doing for 3 years, but I've now stopped). I liked fasting. I was loosing weight, about 5 to 7 pounds a week...and I needed to loose weight, I really did. However, I got involved with my school play (Annie) and we were always having rehearsals after school it was really fun, I was really bonding with the cast. And the rehearsals went late...usually until 7 and they were everyday after school. And at first ana (anorexia) was working. It stayed with me at rehearsals. But then, I was spending so much time with the cast and crew and they were actually starting to make me happy and ana went away. But this was bad...I gained 10 pounds during the process of the show. Now that its over...and my life has made me depressed again...I just want ana back, but I can't seem to commit anymore. I fast for 20 hours...and then I go and pig out. Before, I used to fast for up to 60 hours and would break the fast with just some fruit or other healthy food. Its bad!! I want to commit. I need the natural high from ana! I need support..something to keep me going. And please don't tell me I need to forget about this eating disorder! It makes me feel happy, accomplished...like a perfectionist!!! With ana...I can reach perfection, and perfection is my goal. Please help me. I'm not quite sure with what...but I need help. Thank you.
~ Perfection is my goal.
well first, for future reference, if there is ever anything you dont wanna post, you can always pm me. but thats just incase you ever need anything in the future.
wow, it seems like you got a hard hand delt to you. and im really sorry to hear about all of it. and i know that its a lot for a kid to have to go through. i mean seriously you're only 12 and you have to handle it. there are 12 year olds that probably dont even know about half this stuff. so thats pretty intense in itself. well about you're dad im really sorry. i dont really know what to say about him except that im really really sorry. its probably not that he doesnt like you... maybe he just gets along better with your sister. i dunno. and about your mom, does she know how you feel? cuz maybe she thinks that you dont really care one way or another, so shes not doing anything about it. maybe if you talk to her and let her know how much it would mean to you if she would go to the meetings and the counsler thing, maybe she'll give it a shot. but again im really sorry, thats really tough to go through. im so sorry. and the school thing, i know all too well about academic stress. but the less you stress out when you're studying or taking tests or doing hw, the better you'll do or the more you'll get done. cuz you waste less energy stressing. so just try not to stress so much, it'll do wonders for you. and thats really good that you got involved in a play and it made you so happy. i think thats exactly what you needed, something to keep your mind off it. and im thinking tht maybe you should try to find another something you're really into to get your mind off everything again. like dance or voice lessons or theater or just something. something you enjoy!
okay so for the big part of this: the anorexia. i think that im a good person to answer this because i went through anorexia, im still recovering from it. so any advice i give you is coming straight from my heart. it always starts out with just counting calories, then goes to watching your weight closely just cuz you dont wanna gain any weight, then that leads to obsessing and then that leads to anorexia. thats how it happened to me aswell. but seriously, if you're 12, even if you're reallyy mature, you're still going through puberty. so you're body is still maturing. and inorder for it to do that properly, it neeeeeds food. and every meal you skip slows down your metabolsim. so then when you do eat its harder for your body to process the food. so in all honestly, its a counteractive thing. okay so i know that what im doing is what you asked not to do, tell you to forget about the eating disorder. but i dont have a choice. you really cant do this to your self. and there are a couple things i need to say. first, okay sure NOW it might feel like it gives you a high, but honestly how can starving yourself and not giving yourself any of the nutrients it needs give you a high? and sure it might feel like it takes away the pain, but will being in the hospital hooked up to a feeding tube really take ur pain away? and u might think it makes you feel like a perfectionist, but does doing one of the worst things you can do to your body really make you a perfectionist? im not trying to be mean but im trying to open ur eyes. cuz although you may feel these things are true, in reality, they really arent. you can lose weight the healthy way though. which is HEALTHY dieting, nothing extreme, and excercise, also nothing extreme. losting 5 - 7 pounds every week isnt safe or healthy in ANY way. how could it be. think about how much u weigh nd divide that by 5... in that many weeks, you'd be down to nothing. and thats so not safe. and other then that, you HAVE to accept yourself. you are how you are, you gotta be happy with that. you can only change your body so much and stay healthy. if you're this concerned with your body, you cant be that unhealthy (in an eat too much kind of way) so you shouldnt be this worried about it and you shouldnt be anorexic. accept yourself!!!! its the BEST thing that you can do for yourself right now!! you need someone who will love you unconditionally forever.. and that needs to be yourself!
~ i really hope this helps. and PLEASE dont be shy to ask for more help
~ Perfection is my goal.
well first, for future reference, if there is ever anything you dont wanna post, you can always pm me. but thats just incase you ever need anything in the future.
wow, it seems like you got a hard hand delt to you. and im really sorry to hear about all of it. and i know that its a lot for a kid to have to go through. i mean seriously you're only 12 and you have to handle it. there are 12 year olds that probably dont even know about half this stuff. so thats pretty intense in itself. well about you're dad im really sorry. i dont really know what to say about him except that im really really sorry. its probably not that he doesnt like you... maybe he just gets along better with your sister. i dunno. and about your mom, does she know how you feel? cuz maybe she thinks that you dont really care one way or another, so shes not doing anything about it. maybe if you talk to her and let her know how much it would mean to you if she would go to the meetings and the counsler thing, maybe she'll give it a shot. but again im really sorry, thats really tough to go through. im so sorry. and the school thing, i know all too well about academic stress. but the less you stress out when you're studying or taking tests or doing hw, the better you'll do or the more you'll get done. cuz you waste less energy stressing. so just try not to stress so much, it'll do wonders for you. and thats really good that you got involved in a play and it made you so happy. i think thats exactly what you needed, something to keep your mind off it. and im thinking tht maybe you should try to find another something you're really into to get your mind off everything again. like dance or voice lessons or theater or just something. something you enjoy!
okay so for the big part of this: the anorexia. i think that im a good person to answer this because i went through anorexia, im still recovering from it. so any advice i give you is coming straight from my heart. it always starts out with just counting calories, then goes to watching your weight closely just cuz you dont wanna gain any weight, then that leads to obsessing and then that leads to anorexia. thats how it happened to me aswell. but seriously, if you're 12, even if you're reallyy mature, you're still going through puberty. so you're body is still maturing. and inorder for it to do that properly, it neeeeeds food. and every meal you skip slows down your metabolsim. so then when you do eat its harder for your body to process the food. so in all honestly, its a counteractive thing. okay so i know that what im doing is what you asked not to do, tell you to forget about the eating disorder. but i dont have a choice. you really cant do this to your self. and there are a couple things i need to say. first, okay sure NOW it might feel like it gives you a high, but honestly how can starving yourself and not giving yourself any of the nutrients it needs give you a high? and sure it might feel like it takes away the pain, but will being in the hospital hooked up to a feeding tube really take ur pain away? and u might think it makes you feel like a perfectionist, but does doing one of the worst things you can do to your body really make you a perfectionist? im not trying to be mean but im trying to open ur eyes. cuz although you may feel these things are true, in reality, they really arent. you can lose weight the healthy way though. which is HEALTHY dieting, nothing extreme, and excercise, also nothing extreme. losting 5 - 7 pounds every week isnt safe or healthy in ANY way. how could it be. think about how much u weigh nd divide that by 5... in that many weeks, you'd be down to nothing. and thats so not safe. and other then that, you HAVE to accept yourself. you are how you are, you gotta be happy with that. you can only change your body so much and stay healthy. if you're this concerned with your body, you cant be that unhealthy (in an eat too much kind of way) so you shouldnt be this worried about it and you shouldnt be anorexic. accept yourself!!!! its the BEST thing that you can do for yourself right now!! you need someone who will love you unconditionally forever.. and that needs to be yourself!
~ i really hope this helps. and PLEASE dont be shy to ask for more help